my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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