your parents love me but you hate me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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