girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
