The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
