He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
