Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
