Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
