Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
