I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
