the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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