gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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