you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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