All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
