Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
