I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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