the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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