Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We are all done wearing pants today
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize