You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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