Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
