The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
