fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
