i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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