wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
