Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
