I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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