So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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