Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
