I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
