I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
