So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
