Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
