i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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