I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
