and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We got so high we made milksteak
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
