i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
