I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So vagazzling was a success
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
