He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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