I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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