He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
