I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
