He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
