This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
