Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
