Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
