i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
