google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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