So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
