I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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