Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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