I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
