we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
