i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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