Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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