I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
